I’ve been listening to the police scanner for over
30 years now. Eavesdropping on the dispatching and responses of sheriff’s
deputies and volunteers keeps me in the know about things going on in Niagara
County.
But, the knowledge gleaned from the scanner is more
than where an accident or fire might be, or where the latest speed trap is
set-up. Listen long enough and you’ll begin to understand the social conditions
in certain parts, certain households of your community.
It can be incredibly uncomfortable and heartbreaking
to hear officers being dispatched to broken homes, something that’s too regular
of an occurrence. According to the New York Division of Criminal Justice
Services, all departments within Niagara County reported a combined 1,233 arrests
for domestic violence in 2018. Among them were 1,051 cases of simple assault, 38
sexual offenses against a family member, and 20 violations of protection
orders.
Mind you, those are just the
cases recorded as actual arrests. There were thousands of 911 calls and tips
about physical domestic situations and intense verbal abuse. The Niagara County
Sheriff’s Office alone responds to nearly 4,000 of such calls every year. There
are thousands more covered by the city police departments in Niagara Falls,
North Tonawanda and Lockport.
And, remember, most victims and
witnesses remain silent; there are thousands of situations that go
unreported.
There are the direct victims, those
who call 911 looking for help and those who remain silent despite being abused
mentally, physically and sexually.
And then there are the indirect
victims. They may not have directly been hit or berated, but they saw it. They
experienced it. They lived it.
Children are occupants of many of
those homes and apartments where hate and discord rule. It could be they were
beaten or demeaned. Maybe they their saw dad hit their mom or knock her down. Perhaps
they witnessed their mother going on a drunken rage towards their father.
Those are just the tip of the
iceberg when you hear some of the calls on the scanner – the level of
escalation of some domestic events is frightening.
You have to feel for the kids who
grow up in such families. If they aren’t abused, a loved one is and that in
itself is a form of abuse towards the child.
Those incidents sear into a child’s
memories and behaviors. They could give nightmares, instill fear, plant the
seeds for hate, lead to substance abuse, foster depression and suicidal
thoughts, lead to lower grades, and make dysfunction a normalcy that the child
will carry into his or her relationships one day. Many will rise above their
circumstances, some will not, and even if they do the painful memories linger.
I bring all this up to give
perspective to those who provide service to children.
Whether you are school teacher,
sports coach, club leader, Sunday school instructor, or a Scouting volunteer
like me, we all have to understand that these victims – primary and secondary alike
- are in our classrooms, on our teams, and in our troops. The sheer volume of dispatches
and domestic statistics show us that it’s more than likely that they’re in an extracurricular
activity you oversee -- and it’s a certainty in your classroom.
You likely don’t know who, and in
many cases you won’t. That may be from masking of the hurt by the child or the
sheer joy he or she has being around you.
Realize that in many cases you
are providing a safe place, a good place to a child. Your classroom, baseball
field or campout might be the only place they feel happy, loved or safe.
Think about that.
Most of us grew up having loving
parents and valuing home above all else. But, that isn’t the case for so many
children. They fear home. They don’t what will happen to them. They don’t know
what will happen to their mother or father.
Every child we serve has
different expectations of us – a boy scout from a well-adjusted home may want
the adventure of a camping trip while one from a broken home may only want you
to be you, someone for him to strive to be, someone who isn’t his dad.
You may not realize it, and they
might never tell you, but to kids from troubled homes you are their hero -- they
might see you as the mother or father they always wished they had.
That significance be an
overwhelming way to view what we do when doing good for children. But, it’s a
necessary view. We have roles in this world, some much bigger than we always
assume them to be. Hurt kids are too many, and it’s up to us, as their educators
and leaders, to give them the safe harbor they deserve and, from there, the
help they need to navigate life.
From the 21 October Greater Niagara Newspapers and Batavia Daily
News
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